Jack Nicholson vs Daniel Day Lewis: Round One!

Jack Nicholson, dressed head to toe in bling and sports apparel, last night fired off a warning to Daniel Day Lewis via a video on YouTube.

In the video, which is 35 minutes long, 33 of which consist of the elderly Nicholson taking a nap, Nicholson takes a shot at Daniel Day Lewis' Oscar win saying he "only won it 'cause you were playing a gay guy, y'hear me?" Nicholson is referring to the persistent speculation that Abraham Lincoln was a homosexual, a theme that was not intimated in the biopic.

There are rumours that Nicholson is annoyed that Day Lewis became the first male actor to win the Best Actor award three time, while he has only won it twice despite being nominated eight times.
"So, you've played a disabled person, a black person and now a gay person, and because of that you win three Oscars? That's bullshit, man." Although most of Nicholson diatribe is nonsensical, and some of it spoken in what experts believe to be an ancient Cherokee language, the "black person" he refers to is assumed to be Daniel Day Lewis' character in 'There Will Be Blood', whom in one scene has his face blackened with oil. His publicist quickly dispelled any cries of racism saying, "Look at the clothes he's wearing in the video. They're black guy clothes. Plus, Mr. Nicholson loves Basketball."

But after trying to diminish Day Lewis' achievements, Nicholson then resorted to more violent provocations, threatening to "put my left foot up your goddamn ass", stating "there will be blood- if I see you in the street" and then insinuated a more murderous plan saying, "I heard you method acted for Lincoln, well I'mma method act as John Wilkes Booth, and I know you know what that means. Pop, pop, biatch." Towards the end of the latter sentence Nicholson, rather menacingly, produced a toy water gun and fired some water into his eye which caused him some discomfort.

After waking up from his nap there appeared to be no relent in Nicholson's animosity as he mumbled "tomorrow's paper's headline: Daniel Day Lewis Dead" after which the screen goes black.

Police are not treating the video as a serious threat yet, claiming that Jack Nicholson is well-known within the entertainment industry for his aggressive demeanour towards fellow entertainers and once threatened to "shave Justin Bieber's head" for which he was cautioned.

Daniel Day Lewis posted a single paragraph in the Los Angeles Times today offering to "lend Jack my Oscar if it makes him feel better. Senility is a terrible disease."

To be continued.