In a remarkable study published this month in the journal, Nature, a group of researchers have claimed that celebrities are in fact human beings.
The research took place at CalTech, and is said to have taken over two years to conduct.
Head of research, Dr. Charles van Brandt, said the findings were astonishing. "It was incredible, really. We were just doing the study to make the university think we were actually doing something productive. There's only so much us scientists can do, you know. Give us a break. But yeah, turns out celebrities: human."
The laborious process of studying celebrities included analysing nipslips, upskirts and sex tapes.
A junior researcher expressed his initial dubiousness of the study. "A lot of people thought we were crazy and just wanted an excuse to go on Mr. Skin all day. And you know what, I thought the same!"
It has been a mystery that has puzzled the ordinary citizenry for decades, if not centuries - that public figures may actually be of the same species had been posited before, but was largely discredited after repeated celebrity sagas indicated they were crazy, irrational and egomaniacal beings, disjointed and specially different from typical homo sapiens.
The new findings have yet to be validated and the senior editor of Nature has condemned the study as being "improper and scientifically inaccurate. Celebs are shitting weird."
One celebrity, who conferred to us on the basis of anonymity, said: "No, I am not homo sapien. I ain't homo nothing. I'm a God-fearing Christian for God's sake. God dammit. Why in hell would you ask me such a question?"
The truth is out there.
The research took place at CalTech, and is said to have taken over two years to conduct.
Head of research, Dr. Charles van Brandt, said the findings were astonishing. "It was incredible, really. We were just doing the study to make the university think we were actually doing something productive. There's only so much us scientists can do, you know. Give us a break. But yeah, turns out celebrities: human."
The laborious process of studying celebrities included analysing nipslips, upskirts and sex tapes.
A junior researcher expressed his initial dubiousness of the study. "A lot of people thought we were crazy and just wanted an excuse to go on Mr. Skin all day. And you know what, I thought the same!"
It has been a mystery that has puzzled the ordinary citizenry for decades, if not centuries - that public figures may actually be of the same species had been posited before, but was largely discredited after repeated celebrity sagas indicated they were crazy, irrational and egomaniacal beings, disjointed and specially different from typical homo sapiens.
The new findings have yet to be validated and the senior editor of Nature has condemned the study as being "improper and scientifically inaccurate. Celebs are shitting weird."
One celebrity, who conferred to us on the basis of anonymity, said: "No, I am not homo sapien. I ain't homo nothing. I'm a God-fearing Christian for God's sake. God dammit. Why in hell would you ask me such a question?"
The truth is out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you hear, what do you say?